New Beginnings

First and foremost I would like to apologize to any parent who I may have accidentally ridiculed. No one understands the (joyous) burden more than those who chose to be an active parent. But I’m getting ahead if myself.

I welcomed my own gift from the almighty a few weeks ago. Rightfully, it brought it’s ups and downs; but the ups are far higher than the downs that come randomly.

A fitting start is, … is myself. Journey with me 10 or so years prior. Asking if I wanted children was damn near punishable by death (kidding); but it was definitely so far off my radar that you could have called me the most experienced in pulling out. Why? Well I was one of those unhopful kids who saw the world as a dying rock… but let’s face it, as highlighted by The POTUS we really need to do something about our overall planets health. At the time, stupid black on black crime seemed like it was an all time high.. or at least gun violence was at a record high in Toronto (By the way, look up black wall street, we need change). Too many Parents and kids (of all ages) alike were dealing with grief, being a victim, or feeling there isn’t another way. I felt like we were doomed as a unified race of “humans” and having kids was just plain out stupid; as I’m setting up an innocent being to be killed… one way or another. It wasn’t until my friend informed me he had a child, and we spoke about how its “changed him”. I realized we saw the truth on “life” (or a shared variety of my truth of/on life). And we had a long adult like talk in and around my 18/20th year since ceremoniously being evicted from the womb. we somehow got on the topic of legacy and life continuing and so much other stuff. We talked as much as a few weeks of work shifts allowed.

Lemme just come out and say this though. I didn’t have a child for the sake of furthing my legacy. That’s idiotic. If those Disney movies taught me anything. Is that everyone has… HAS to grow into their own person. Regardless of any effort you have to shape one’s life. We have to allow (a) parents teaching(s) to be used practically instead of just telling our kids what to do… forever. Or… what’s the point of parenting /training our kids?

So after I got the underlying truth that our kids are what we truly leave behind and it’s our way and manner of parenting that gives us spiritual everlasting. I just so happened to find someone who got me to change my mind fully on the mater. Now she may or may not vex me but, more than anyone else I dated, I saw her as a great female to bare the kicks, tears, pain that my child (of the LEWsystem lol) would bring. I never thought I would find a suitible mate for that task but God found us.. we then found a means to have our love develop into the physical.

That moment. That first moment you hold YOUR real first new born… like immediately after the Dr’s are finished with it, boy or girl, is… incomparable. Nothing prepared me for that feeling. Nothing can. It’s like  it hits you. You absorb it. You see the head… and then the body then the quiet cheers as you sit and wait for the Drs to do what they are hopefully trained to do best. Then, … Then it hits you further when they say you have a healthy baby with all the right parts. Young mothers love to boast about how they found so much meaning in their lives providing nurturing, care, and I guess general parenting. I don’t know what a mother feels or if it matters boy or girl or whatever. But I will say a profound feeling one I couldn’t explain, took over me. I felt excited for all the ups and downs, ready for the first few months post delivery; thanks to those who came to the baby shower. Also from what I was doing way before the arrival.

Ah… My father. A.K.A., the sperm donor. (I really wanna drop his name but it’s not important) according to the one who evicted me from my first home, swears that he never, ever held me, or bought me so much as a pair of diapers or shoes…. or even some clothes to get messy in; as infants find a way to do no matter how hard you try. To me that was my one goal. Be and do more than what he did. I understand the temptations he faced. I don’t excuse them but it should have never interfered with him raising me.

Not having a father led me to relive that one Will Smith scene in my head daily. (You know exactly which scene too. But if you’re like Marggot Robbie, the one when Will Smith cries about his dad not wanting him. That one scene hit EVERYONE. It hit me hard. I always held on to that feeling… be it for the fateful, eventful day I had my own. I know materialistic things never compare to the sentimental but, we also sadly live in a very capitalistic world. Certain things just need to be bought to get other free shit. I can’t predict what kind of man I will be or parent. But I know my every intention is good in nature. I know that with every fibre of my being I plan on raising my boy. I plan on raising him to be honest and as jedi liking as I am. His name has several meanings. And I hope that I can show him those meanings before its time.. my time that is.

Being a parent.. it’s tiring… But no feeling in the world beats it. The smiles, the feeling of being needed (which is never in shortage), none of it is bad. What is bad is judging a person for how they want to raise their own. Be it the occasional ass spanking, or time outs…. dare I say those super stylish… I mean stupid ass (though on the matter of principle, I totally understand why they are used) child leashes. Its not really anyone else’s place to say anything. But obviously, everything is situational.

The biggest thing I learned since.. parents aren’t aything different. I’m sure every kid grew up think their mother was from Mars (but lets be real, that “mommy sense” thing is creepy) and their dad is from Uranus (lol see what I did there) but like Jor-El said. The father becomes the… There’s a clear transition but you’re still you. I started this little entry with that in mind. Parents are to be more responsible, YES, BUT… we are all still who we were before we had kids. We just now have kids and have to rethink our actions and activities. I saw the other day some new mom was catching online chatter about her breastfeeding in her own hose washroom and all these keyboard hoodlums were saying she was gross. I could only laugh at how much they didn’t know. Its hard being a parent. Even harder being a mom (kindly blame God for all your emotional, sentimental way ladies, but thankfully you have them, same ways). I never minded when a woman would feed her child, cause lets be honest and mature for a moment; ( I’m asking you all to be honest a lot, lol) is it not considered to be a more terrible offence to let a child cry in hunger than to just happen to see a boob for all of five minutes. at that, it you who is choosing to look at said boob. It’s not like Justin Timberlake is out just exposing titties on a Sunday night during primetime…. oh yea. I just don’t think its fair to get at moms who are legit just looking out for their kin. plus we aint nothing but mammals who kill for sport and believe we are often to good to read, properly dispose of waste and judge other by our skin variations.

Lastly. Since I live in Toronto Ontario I will way in on this new school curriculum. It’s stupid and should be a parents choice. It’s very unfortunate that everyone has to learn it. I swear that’s an impeachment on ones rights. Be it humanitary or civil. I also don’t think it’s wrong. Just not in the manner in which it’s presented. Children have it harder than ANYONE on the planet. We as adults make laws and rules to be effective for them but we are so short sighted. Case in point, look at the ttc. The city planning way back when was such bull it is affecting generation currently. I think starting this thing at grade 1 or even kindergarten is crazy. Grade 5 is fine. Maybe even 4 as puberty starts early these days. But time will tell the effect it has. Maybe it will lead to a race of humans more tolerant but I just feel it’s a way to lose our kids innocence.. Cause that’s never under attack on the daily as is.

Anyway. This was gonna be a vent about various things but I honestly just made this for my son to read. Hopefully he reads this and learns a thing or two. And in the eventful day I’m not around for whatever reason…. This helps him get through it.

THAT’S IT! Cheers: “To Peace”. Your eLEWsive Thought Provided by: the “LEW System”